Do you find yourself frequently receiving rude or harsh remarks from coworkers or superiors? Or perhaps you yourself are sometimes less than friendly in the office? If so, you or your team may be involved in an alarming increase in rude behavior in the workplace.
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A recent study by American management consulting firm Gallup revealed that increased stress levels lead to rude behavior in the workplace. The findings are in line with a 2022 study by Christine Porath, a management professor at Georgetown University, which found that 76 percent of workers experience rudeness at least once a month.
Laura Ashley-Timms, a management expert who works through her organisation, Star Manager, to improve leadership and productivity in companies, isn’t surprised by these results. “I attribute it to a deep sense of stress in the workplace,” she says. “When people are more irritable, it’s more likely they’re feeling overwhelmed – it’s a stress response. I don’t think we’re intentionally being mean to each other; often, when things get tough, we respond in a less than kind way.”
“If someone is irritable, chances are they are feeling stressed.”
According to him, this incivility is also caused by the increasing level of disengagement in the workplace. With more and more people facing high stress, it is natural that there is a tendency to withdraw and show apathy towards the heavy workload. In this condition, rudeness or recklessness towards coworkers can arise unintentionally.
“We are facing a level of disengagement which I have never seen before in my career; several companies reported disengagement up to 90 percent,” he said. “When you really care about something, you tend to think more about how you respond. I believe that disengagement These extremes and high stress levels affect the way we interact with each other.”
Rudeness can come in many forms and its impact can vary depending on who is expressing it and to whom. If your boss is showing no regard for etiquette, it can be particularly disruptive. So how do you deal with it? Laura suggests developing specific skills to deal with this issue, which is often exacerbated by an imbalance in hierarchy. “When you know how to harness the power of questions, you can more effectively manage your relationship with your boss.” She suggests using questions rather than accusations when communicating with your manager. While it may feel challenging, gently inviting your boss to think about the impact of their actions can lead to more lasting change than simply stating that their behavior is unacceptable.
The power of questions lies in their ability to force the offender to reflect on the impact of their behaviour. “It gives them a chance to pause and think, what is really driving this behaviour?” Laura explains. She adds that often unpleasant tones and behaviours are unintentional and can be influenced by factors outside the work environment. “Remember that they weren’t always like this. There may have been events outside of work that affected them. Maybe they were treated badly, let down by a big client, or just lost a sale. If there is a problem, sometimes the approach can be to offer to help them resolve it.”
At the end of the day, we’re all human, and understanding how someone is feeling can go a long way in defusing a situation. “Even the best managers have bad days,” Laura says. “Responding as a person, not as a subordinate, can go a long way. Try to understand their situation.”
So what if you are the manager yourself? Or if you realize or are told that your behavior is rude? What are the self-control steps you need to apply? Laura believes that the key is self-awareness.
“You need to learn to recognise the triggers for this behaviour,” she says. “Maybe you’re feeling tired or you’ve been up late looking after the kids; there are lots of reasons why you might be irritable at work and not having the best day. But it’s important to recognise when these feelings are making you impatient with others. When you recognise this, pause; instead of jumping in, take a breath and ask a question. This gives the other person a chance to participate and take up space in the conversation.”
Honesty, as always, is the best policy. A little humor can also help. “You can admit your situation,” she explains. “Just say, ‘I’m sorry, I’m feeling really cranky right now, I didn’t mean to.’ Explaining your situation — that you’re tired and stressed — can go a long way. Not only does it make you seem more human and relatable to your colleagues, it can also help lighten the mood. Admitting that your day isn’t going well can make a big difference.”
Ultimately, addressing workplace rudeness is not only important for employee wellbeing, but also for productivity and talent retention. As Laura Ashley-Timms notes: “Research shows that more than half of us would leave a job to get away from a bad relationship with a boss or negative behavior at work.”
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(Author: Marie-Claire Chappet; This article is adapted from BAZAAR UK; Translated by: Vanesa Novelia; Photos: Courtesy of BAZAAR UK)